Day 10: It’s Just a Number

by carolyn on April 10, 2012

Today is a pretty pivotal point in my (and Katy’s) 24 Day Challenge. Day 10 completes Phase I of our challenge. We’re not even halfway done but we’re pretty much champs at this point. I definitely didn’t think I would make it this far. Katy would because she is the type who sets her mind to something and achieves it, plus as a trainer it’s a good career move for her to be able to do a 10 day cleanse. Neither of us were perfect but both deserve a pat on the back, a round of applause, and a drink. And candy. And ice cream. But I digress…I should have surveyed Katy when I trained with her today but since I forgot, I will assume she feels the same way I do: more energized, stronger, and more in control.

The first few days I used a jail analogy to describe how I felt while cleansing. I felt imprisoned because I wasn’t “allowed” to eat whatever I wanted. It’s ironic because for the better part of 25 years I’ve imprisoned myself with the choices I’ve made. My body in and of itself has become a seemingly inescapable prison. Even though I’ve tried to live life to the fullest and done plenty of normal things like be in a sorority, have boyfriends, and travel, there is no denying the fact that my size does hold me back. I don’t inherently feel like a ‘fat girl,’ but I’ve never known anything else. A life where I can fit into designer clothes instead of just sporting a designer purse and shop where my friends shop has always seemed like a pipe dream. I’m sure there are additional advantages to being skinny, but shopping is the first that comes to mind.

I weighed myself at the gym today and was bummed to see that I’m pretty much the same weight as the last time I weighed a few weeks ago. Truth be told I generally lose more inches than pounds. In the same time frame that I lost 15 pounds, I lost 24 inches overall. So I know that the scale doesn’t tell me as much about my progress as the fit of my clothes and my energy level. But if you know me, and I think you do, you know that rationality has little to do with my reactions.

I once profoundly reflected, “I don’t do numbers…just words and thoughts and feelings.” That is pretty much true to this day despite my logic/numbers based career. Binary ain’t got nothin’ on emotions.

Given that “I don’t do numbers,” it is quite illogical that I would let a number hold so much power over me – especially my thoughts and feelings.

It took a few hours but now I’m so over that scale/that number. It’s just a number and doesn’t compare to the successes I’ve had and progress I’ve made.

Do you use numbers or feelings to measure your fitness?



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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Bettie April 10, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Carolyn, thanks for another inspiring blog post! Proud of you and your success on your cleansing program! Thanks for sharing your journey on your blog!
Love you!


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